Sitting, hearing the heater's fan running. Sitting with thoughts and emotions -- anger, frustration. Thoughts arise and change into conversations. I seem to drop to a lower level of consciousness in which the heater is not heard.
I'm feeling frustrated with my practice at this time. It seems unimportant for me to remember what has happened during the half hour, and so I don't. I seem to be sort of tuning out. I feel bored with the practice of actually sitting meditation. Writing about the effect in my life is problematic partly because it touches on relationships with other people, which is something I don't want to discuss in a public blog. I sometimes write about those things in my personal journal. So, this is just the way things are for now. I will continue the practice because I feel its value for me. Maybe the blog will change; or I may focus more on my other blogs. Maybe I'll introduce some new elements into my practice. I don't know yet.
2 comments:
Hey, this frustration stuff--I really relate to this.
It's part of it, from my experience, and cant be avoided.
The boredom, the feeling that its useless...sometimes this kind of roadblock can be transformative.
I try to look at it as an opportunity to go deeper, relax into that pain and fear and boredom...
Understand that it's a natural part of this.
Sometimes a change also might help, but just my thoughts on it.
I appreciate this blog and your writings very much.
Aaron
Thanks, Aaron, for the encouragement. I do plan to continue, maybe make some changes. Maybe just work through it; I don't know. I think maybe I'm just done when I get home from work. We'll see. Thank you for your comment. I'm happy to see your practice is working for you and that you're working through your stuff. It's inspiring to me.
Post a Comment