Evening, 9/8/07

Swami Sivananda's birthday. I spent most of the day sleeping, catching up with myself after a busy, stressful week. Sitting in meditation, feeling comfortable, calm. Cycles of just sitting alternate with falling into a sleepy state in which dreaming prevails. When I notice I am more asleep than awake, I straighten my posture and wake up. Most of my practice this week has been off the cushion. Just as when sitting, I cycle between being awake, comfortable, and calm and asleep and dreamy; my waking life cycles between times of mindfulness and purposeful action and times in which I sink into habits and patterns of non-productive thought. My mindful thinking has led to some productive observation and problem solving. In my habit-prone sleep mind, I have descended into past patterns of thought: feelings of powerlessness, anger, frustration, and stress. It seems that for now, the more positive mindful thought processes have won the day. Just as when I am sitting and cycling through mindful and mindless periods, all can be considered practice; in daily life both the mindful purposeful action and the descent into past patterns is practice. For me, it seems all a part of the complete picture. Always, in whatever frame of mind I am in, is the possibility of noticing where I am and waking up.