Burma

The military government of Burma has responded to the peaceful protests of Buddhist monks by shooting many of them, confining them to their monasteries, and cutting off communications. Several political action committees and human rights organizations have established petitions for people around the world to express their dissent with the actions of the government and to establish a peaceful resolution in Burma.

http://pol.moveon.org/burma/?r_by=_6956838-YNVVO
http://www.thepetitionsite.com/takeaction/972303571

May all beings have peace.

Evening, 9/29/07

A half hour of meditation with slumping and falling asleep. Adjusting my posture allowed me to wake up and come back to conscious awareness. I got to practice this antidote to sleepiness several times during the session.

I got some good things accomplished today as a result of my priority setting, not as much as I wanted to get done, but tomorrow is another day.

Working with Avoidance 9/29/07

I have in the beginning viewed avoidance as a negative quality that I want to eradicate. But in looking further, I see ways in which avoidance serves me. I avoid situations and people that are toxic and drain my energy in ways that I don't choose. I avoid things that are bad for me. I avoid unnecessary risk-taking. I begin to see that avoidance is just one side of the coin. It is a part of the process of discrimination, choosing what I want and don't want in my life. What is the other side of the coin? Discipline?

I have decided to work with prioritizing those tasks that I choose to do, that are steps toward my goal of a life of quality and balance. I bought a spiral-bound notebook and some pens with different colors of ink, designating the various priorities I will give to tasks. And, I will categorize tasks to various aspects of my life.

These categories could be:

physical, mental health and self-care
financial
spirituality and personal development
work
household and vehicle maintenance
creativity
relationships
selfless service and civic responsibilities
fun, hobbies, recreation
planning

In order to balance my life, I will prioritize activities in each of these categories, and do some in each category every day. I will allocate some time each day to planning for the next day and to creating a checklist of activities I have decided to do the next day (the dreaded to-do list).

I suspect that I'm going to learn that I do more than I think I do and also that these categories are not exclusive, that some things I do can fit into more than one category. I'll work with this for a while and see how it goes, make adjustments as I go along.

Evening, 9/28/07

Sitting, placing attention on my breath. I feel a kind of dullness of mind, as my mind follows stories of times past and of today's events. I follow several story lines. As I am further in time from events of the past, I have kind of forgotten their emotional content. I argue with myself about whether things were as difficult as they seemed. These stories become a kind of fog that clouds the mind. And then, for a moment, the fog clears and I am in presence, crisp, clear, in the here and now. Just for a moment.

Evening 9/27/07

I chanted Radhe and Hari Om before beginning meditation. It felt good to hear my voice singing these phrases, calming and yet energizing.

Sitting to meditate -- the cat gets up on the couch beside me and purrs while I begin to meditate. I hear popping noises from the kitchen, think it might be the refrigerator. Snatches of conversation from the day arise in memory. Mind becomes dull and I fall into sleepiness. It takes a while to realize where my mind has gone and to bring it back again.

Morning, 9/26/07

I'm in the customer lounge at the KIA dealer, writing while they change the oil in the car. I take the opportunity to do some meditation while I wait. Other people in the room waiting as well; I just sit and close my eyes and watch my breath. I'm sure no one knows I'm meditating; they probably just think I'm having a little night-night. Mind seems clear today, just sitting, hearing the high voice of a little girl playing, sounds of cars, doors opening and closing, traffic.

Evening, 9/25/07

I sat the whole 30 minute session, maintaining attention for most of the time. There were a couple of times I checked out and went into dreamland. Both times it seemed like I was rehearsing conversations about work. One of the times, I realized that I had lost attention and came back to presence. The other time I "startled" awake. I sat with the slider open, so lots of sounds accompanied my meditation: a train with a shrill, strident horn, traffic noise, my heartbeat. I felt my breath most actively at the edges of my nostrils.

I note that it seems easier to meditate on the weekends when I don't have as much going on: work and other duties, and am fresh. I felt a little discouraged after yesterday's session in which I was unable to maintain attention at all, or only for a very short time. I attributed that to tiredness and a dull mind state. Modern life seems difficult, and meditation is not always easy. But, by now I have been practicing for long enough to know that those days happen; and it's best to just cut myself some slack and try again the next day.

Evening, 9/24/07

I didn't finish the 30 minute meditation time tonight, cut it nine minutes short. I'm tired, mind takes me on trips, and I'm too tired to resist. Mental conversations, lots of words and pictures.

Mindfulness Break, 9/24/07

Today I have noticed myself taking small mindfulness breaks during the day. I have been at work for about an hour and am taking small moments just to check in with myself, to observe the state of my mind and body, to take care in my movements, that they are done with intention and lovingkindness. I have found myself spontaneously humming the mantra, "Om Mani Padme Hum."

Working with Avoidance 9/23/07

I overslept this morning. I had intended to get up and do some things this morning before Beth and I went to lunch. I woke up the first time at 8:30, got up and went to the bathroom, and then went back to bed until 11:30. So, it wasn't just oversleeping; it was avoidance. And, I had stayed up late Saturday night goofing around with the computer, avoiding going to bed. So, today, I decided to perform an act of kindness that I haven't made a routine of doing. I filled the bird feeder and replaced it in the tree in the back yard. In my mind, maybe this will balance out the avoidance behavior I did before. I don't know if this is a psychologically sound thing to do. I hope I'm not just reinforcing the pattern of avoidance. But, it gave me a good feeling to do something for the birds. So, we'll see if my avoidance loosens up any. I did get some things done today that I wanted to do. I had lunch with Beth and Alyssa. I talked with Vicki on the phone, maintaining my relationship with my daughters and granddaughter. I took out the garbage, did laundry, cleaned the cat box, got gas in the car, and groceries for lunch for the week. I meditated, paid my bills, and returned some materials to the library.

Evening, 9/23/07

During tonight's meditation I realized that during the last meditation session I had been somewhat too harsh in dismissing my thoughts by labeling them "thinking." I was acting in an almost aversive way toward my thoughts, and in the period of time after meditation I hardly remembered what my thoughts had been. So this time, I'm being a little more gentle with my thoughts, realizing that it's one of the mind's jobs to think. I feel a pricking sensation in my lower back on the left side, like the prick of a needle, several times. Thoughts arise and pass on their own without having to label them. And then there is an instance in which I get lost in thought, sort of daydreaming. And I can distinguish between noticing thoughts arise and pass and following a thought until I don't even realize I am thinking and become unconscious of the thought itself. It just runs on. There is a subtle, but vast, difference. Thoughts can arise; I can notice them while still attending to my breath. I can be aware of the thoughts and breath at the same time until the thoughts just drift along on their own. I don't have to drift along with them. I also notice that the thoughts have a voice inside my head, my own voice, so I am sort of hearing my own thoughts inside my head. So, the mind has its own ears as well as its own eyes (the mind's eye). I drift off in thought for a moment, and the cat leaning against me while he bathes himself wakes me up. I notice a slight shaking, rumbling sensation and moments later, I hear a train whistle. It seems I am picking up subtle sensations. Thoughts and sensations, all parts of passing phenomena.

Heart Relics Tour

Yesterday I went to the Unity Church in Spokane where the Heart Relics Tour has set up a display of relics of the Buddha Shakyamuni and other spiritual masters such as Tilopa, Milarepa, Atisha, and some of the more recently deceased lamas of Tibetan Buddhism. The tour's presence in Spokane was sponsored by Sravasti Abbey in Newport, WA, an hour's drive from Spokane. I arrived in time for a talk on buddhist practice by Lama Inga of Padma Ling buddhist center here in Spokane. I had intended to go to a talk in the morning by Thubten Chodron, abbess of the Sravasti Abbey, but avoided getting up in time to attended. I am impressed that this monastic and teaching center offers teachings free of charge; its ordained monastics live by donations only. They don't purchase their food at grocery stores. I think they grow some of their food, and accept donations of food from friends of the abbey and lay practitioners. I walked through the relic room in which silence was maintained and looked at each labeled relic. I have not quite assimilated the experience; I don't know whether I believe in the holiness or spiritual powers of relics. So, I won't comment on that. But, it was inspiring for me to be there among people who have dedicated their lives to spiritual practice and living by the buddhist precepts.

Reflection on Avoidance, 9/22/07

Avoidance is probably my most common and powerful reactive pattern. I believe it arose out of depression related to being in situations that have been difficult to dislodge myself from and in which I felt I had few options. I felt like a cornered animal, and often it felt unsafe to defend myself and so I would turn my back, put my nose into the corner and avoid dealing with the situation. Avoidance probably was an effective strategy in a limited way in some situations and for a short time. But, as a major coping strategy, it has become dysfunctional. Avoidance has manifested itself in many ways in my life. I have avoided going to bed at night and then avoided getting up in the morning. I have slept too much in order to avoid doing things I didn't want to do. I have at times avoided paying my bills, avoided returning borrowed books to the library, and then avoided paying the resulting fines. I have put into place other activities in order to avoid doing things I didn't want to do. Some of these activities include: playing computer games, spiritual practice, recreational eating, and reading. While some of these activities are good in themselves, most notably spiritual practice and reading, if they are used to avoid other activities that need to be done, they play into the reactive patterns.

I have also noticed the avoidance aspect of my emotional eating pattern. Stuffing myself with food stuffs down emotions so I can avoid feeling and dealing with them. It also puts on a layer of fat, insulation, protection, numbing emotions. The ingestion of carbohydrates has also been demonstrated to increase brain serotonin levels, helping to elevate a depressed mood.

The practice of reflection, 9/22/07

In my exercises, I am beginning to see the differences between the various spiritual practices I engage in. Meditation seems to me to be resting in what is with the purpose of cultivating attention. Thoughts are not worked with or followed with any depth. An object of meditation is chosen and bare attention is rested on the object and brought back again and again when it strays.

With reflection, an object of reflection can be chosen, or the object can be left open. Thoughts are allowed to arise and are explored in order to reach a greater understanding.

Mindfulness of Eating, 9/22/07

I choose to do a mindfulness of eating practice today because in working with what I have identified as my main habitual pattern, avoidance, I realize that as the pattern loosens, energy is released. And, if that energy is not focused into attention at a higher lever, there is a tendency for it to fall again into a reactive pattern, either the original pattern or another pattern. I have identified emotional eating as another one of my patterns. I am hoping that mindfulness of eating practice will defuse the tendency for the energy released to be absorbed by the reactive pattern of emotional eating.

I am at Barnes and Noble, and I just finished eating a slice of spinach-artichoke stratta, and I'm still sipping on a soy chai latte. What I noticed most about the food was the texture. Stratta is made with eggs, bread, milk, and cheese, and so the flavor is rather bland, sort of like quiche. There is a salty, buttery flavor. The vegetables in the mix also are not strongly flavored. So, the sensation of texture comes to the fore. The texture of the body of the stratta is smooth and like a custard. It is warm and melts in my mouth, releasing its own juices. The vegetables are tender and chewy; the cheese rich and chewy. The crust is tender and flaky. The soy latte is warm and has the characteristic bland soy flavor. My grandchildren have called soy milk "marshmallow" milk. They've been raised on cows' milk and don't like soy milk. Since I have been drinking soy milk for a number of years, cows' milk has, for me, an animal taste that I find distasteful. The spices in the chai are energizing, activating: the bite of cinnamon, a hint of pepper, nutmeg, clove, vanilla. It all seems to have a wholesome, nourishing quality. It was just the right amount of food to sustain me without filling my stomach to an uncomfortable level. And, I took my time eating it and enjoyed it. I am now enjoying the foam from the latte that sticks to the sides of the cup.

Morning, 9/22/07

Working with hindrances:

Cultivating attention, attention on the breath:

I give a priority to meditation this morning. But first I take care of beings around me. I water a plant in front of the east-facing window and feed the cat and let him go outside for a while. I do this because they can't take care of themselves.

I take care to make myself comfortable, to sit in a posture that I will be able to maintain for 3o minutes. I wrap a blanket around me for warmth and for the feeling of security it gives, self-containment. I set a timer so I don't have to concern myself with how long I've been sitting. I breathe through the initial congestion in my nose. At first this is difficult; it requires effort to breathe. Then as the congestion loosens, breathing becomes easier. Thoughts regularly distract me from attention to my breath. They seem to be good thoughts, thoughts about practice, breathing. But this is not the time for thinking about practice. This is the time for doing practice, for strengthening attention by gently placing it on the breath. I label each thought "thinking" and return my attention to the breath. Labeling the thought seems to dismiss it and allow it to pass. There is a different quality of experience in thinking about the breath and placing attention on the breath. It is experiencing breathing itself. Thoughts continue to arise; I label each one "thinking" and return to the experience of the breath. A few times, I feel the slight slumping of my posture, straighten, and watch alert awareness return with that adjustment. I become aware of a sleepy state soon after it arises and apply the antidote of straightening my spine and once more returning to the breath. Alert awareness again returns. At some point approximately mid-way in the practice, I experience a few moments of silence when it is quiet in the environment around me, and the mind is quiet as well.

Off the Cushion 9/21/07

In recent days I have noticed a loosening of my main reactive pattern, avoidance. I experience this as increased energy, increased motivation, achieving small goals I set for myself, less feelings of frustration and worry. As I look back over my blog, I see that this period of practice is the longest running regularly sustained practice I have done. I hope to continue this trend. Knowing that others also are practicing helps me sustain my practice. Thank you to all of you practitioners in the blogosphere, yoga and meditation classes, and close friends far away for your practice. I am going to ramp up the practice slightly and try to work in a more conscious way with the hindrances to practice: sleepiness, restlessness, and so on that I have up until now just observed. I will try to put into place some antidotes to those hindrances and see what happens and how that translates to daily life.

Morning, 9/21/07

When I went to bed last night, a fine cold mist hovered over the landscape. I stubbornly refused to crank up the heat in the house, but piled blankets on the bed and filled a hot water bottle and slept comfortably the whole night.

As I sit to meditate, I wrap up in a blanket. The cat snuggles up against me on the couch. I have to breathe through nasal congestion for a while until it loosens. Thoughts of ordering a neti pot. Thoughts of my choice of taking a daily vitamin pill. I left my bottle of vitamins in my locker at work. No problem, I have a bottle here at home too. Thoughts of taking a correspondence course in meditation. I've done this before and not seen it through. Thoughts seem to dominate this session. I get lost in them. When I become conscious of thinking, I return to the breath, which by now has become easier and natural. I make small adjustments to my posture which slumps slightly now and then. Even with the blanket wrapped around me, I am cold. I rearrange the blanket to cover my head as well. Thoughts of ordering a quartz crystal space heater, supposed to save 50% over traditional heating methods. Time seems to pass quickly this morning.

Kundalini Yoga Class

In kundalini class today, we were asked to write about our long-term goals and how the choices we are working with now enhance the long-term goal. My long-term goal is to live more authentically, from my heart, to balance all the aspects of my life (work, relationships, spirituality, creativity, health), to live with more attention and awareness. In the past year, I have realized a large goal, changing jobs. While a positive change, it has also been stressful, with new relationships to build, new procedures and computer software to learn, a new work culture to find my place within, a different schedule. It has been a big change. So, now I am working with small changes that will help me realize my long-term goal. My goal for this week is to take a vitamin pill every day. That's a really small goal, but will enhance my health. And, if I can realize that goal, it can be a stepping-stone for the realization of another goal along the way. I have bought a fresh bottle of vitamin pills and put them in my locker at work. Work is where I am most organized, and so I am much more likely to take the vitamins at work rather than at home. So, this is one of the small mind games I play with myself, taking the vitamins to work so I will see them whenever I open my locker and be reminded to take one of them.

Evening, 9/19/07

Sitting to meditate tonight. The cat crawls up in my lap and starts his kneading, purring routine, and I smile inside. He soon becomes bored with that and jumps down off the couch; and I make small adjustments to my posture. I go into a dreamy state and visualize a scene in which people are going through a gate, sort of like a customs gate into another country; and it's the ones who act silly, goofy, crazy, who are allowed to go through. It seemed like it was a good thing to be allowed into the country. Then I wake up from this dreamlike state and am conscious of an ache in my right shoulder. Restlessness then becomes a distraction. To distract myself from the restless feeling of worms in the pit of my stomach, I bring up the image of the guy streaking through WalMart on Monday night. I wonder if that is what stimulated the dream sequence. I take deep breaths and sit through the restlessness. My perception of time this time is that it seems to be passing slowly. I wonder if I actually pushed the start button on the timer. I resist the impulse to open my eyes and look at the timer. And then, I do look: one minute, 25 seconds left. Back to sitting; I can do anything for one minute, 25 seconds. Beep. Beep. Beep.

Morning, 9/17/07

I chant Hari Om, a healing mantra, and Radhe before beginning meditation as a sort of wake-me-up, to clear my head. I then lie down to meditate because it seems that I can't get into a comfortable sitting position. But, I soon fall back into a sleepy state. Feeling a little chilly with the slider open; that keeps me awake, feeling like fall today.

Mid Day 9/16/07

Before beginning sitting meditation, I chant the bhajan, Radhe, a bhajan of cosmic love, one of my favorites. Chanting seems to help me equilibrate emotions, express them in a positive way, settle my worries and concerns about all sorts of things. Then, when I meditate, it seems this time that I settle more quickly and easily. Breath quickly comes to a natural even rhythm, not forced or controlled. Distracting thoughts arise, but soon leave. I give some thought to doing a metta practice each morning, seems like a good way to begin the day. For most of the half-hour session I am alert and relaxed, occasionally consciously relaxing my legs. Thoughts arise about installing a wood stove in the house, thoughts about my vacation coming up in November, wanting to go to the Oregon coast. Maintaining a fairly constant awareness throughout the time. It seems like the time goes relatively quickly.

Off the Cushion, 9/15/07

Yesterday was a mixed bag: enjoyable, stressful, busy, tiring. In some instances I felt like I behaved in a positive way toward myself and others. But, when under stress, I behaved in a somewhat less positive way. If I think of formal meditation as batting practice, as long as I keep showing up in the batting box, I'm practicing no matter if I strike out, hit a foul ball, or connect with the ball in a resounding thwack. As long as I practice, I'm developing my ability to sense the trajectory of the ball, judge whether to swing at the ball, when to swing at the ball, at what level and with how much energy to swing the bat. There is always the possibility that on one swing, the ball will sail out of the park. And, if I keep practicing steadily, my skill at the game of life is bound to improve over the season.

Morning, 9/14/07

I did not meditate last night because I was really tired. Maybe this was avoidance, or maybe I was just giving myself a little slack. Anyway, here I am today, sitting on the couch in the morning sun, feeling a little bleary. Morning is not my optimal time. So I sit, feeling a little congestion in my nose, tiredness and tightness around my eyes. But, as I sit, I feel balanced, aware, and grounded. I hear the usual noises: freight trains blowing their whistles, my heartbeat. Breath settles into its own natural rhythm. Cycles of alert awareness alternate with drifting off. The alert awareness feels like a bright emptiness. When I drift off this time, there is no slumping, just a slight shift in the body's alignment, which is almost immediately brought to conscious awareness by a little twinge of startlement. That feels like a slight electric shock, a little lightning jolt in the body and mind. And, the mind comes back, and the body straightens itself in a natural way. I don't want to make any evaluation about progress because I could fall on my face tomorrow. But, I'm where I'm at today. Thoughts pop in here and there, but I don't follow them. In my mind's eye, visions of swirling lights, simply noting them.

Off the Cushion 9/12/07

A couple of things have happened today which I may have let pass by as coincidence; maybe they were coincidence. Maybe these things happen all the time, and I only notice them when I allow my mind to be somewhat more open by sitting practice? Who knows. Anyway, I was doing the metta practice last night. And this morning, as I was in Barnes and Noble having my favorite soy chai tea latte and spinach/artichoke strata, I was sort of eavesdropping on a conversation at the table next to me. I've noticed that at the coffee shop in Barnes and Noble, people seem to gather and just sit and talk as if they were alone in a private setting. Anyway, he started including me, a stranger, in the conversation. So, was the metta practice asking me, "Are you serious about wishing happiness for all beings, excluding no one, strangers as well"? I was able to respond in a positive way, remembering my practice from the night before.

And, one of the teachers from the yoga house that I've taken classes at for years called to let me know about a kundalini yoga class they're offering in the mornings from 11:15 to 12:30. I used to come to work at 12:00. So, had I not changed my work schedule to a 1:00 arrival time, I wouldn't have been able to take the class. So, starting tomorrow I will be in kundalini class, with an emphasis on "the power of choice". I'm looking forward to interacting again with like-minded people in a class setting.

Evening, 9/11/07

Meditating tonight with the metta phrases, wishing all beings happiness, wellness, and peace. Feels calming to wish happiness, wellness, and peace for myself, my parents, my friends, my relatives, strangers, enemies, and all beings, excluding no one. Without judging whether I really believe wishing for happiness, wellness, and peace can have an effect, I just do it. I have been thinking the metta phrases off and on throughout the day, just making the wish and observing what happens with my own attitude. On a day that has been difficult in some ways, I have been able to get through things relatively calmly, just doing what needs to be done. Yet, I have set limits for myself, respecting myself, not expecting more of myself than what is reasonable. And, I honored my limits and let go of what was beyond the limits I set for myself. For today, I have more appreciation for my life and the lives of others.

Morning, 9/11/07

It's too late this morning to be able to sit in direct sunlight coming through the window. The sun is higher in the sky at 8:45. I have a glass of chai tea mixed with soy milk before sitting; and I wash my face to help wake up from the early morning sleepiness, blow my nose to clear out the breathing passages.

I notice that my nose is still a little stuffed up, and it affects my breathing. At first I breathe for a short time with my mouth open. And, then as I continue to try to breathe through my nose, the congestion opens up enough to allow for full breaths through my nose. Again, cycles of alert wakefulness and falling into sleepiness. Feeling, more than hearing, the thrum of the diesel engines of the train, a feeling in the chest similar to watching a parade and feeling the beat of a bass drum as a marching band passes by. I notice several times when I have fallen into a sleepy state that it is something outside myself that causes me to wake up: the sound of the cat jumping up on the deck from the ground outside, the sound of the refrigerator beginning to run, a thought of what day this is, a mental image of the buildings falling. But, that is inside myself now, inside the consciousness, no doubt, of all Americans. I wonder to what extent those events have woken us up as individuals and as a nation. Just thoughts floating on the surface of consciousness.

Morning 9/10/07

Warm sun shining through east-facing window. Awareness of breath: steady, relaxed. Thoughts arise and fall with the breath. I can notice these thoughts while still attending to breath. Cat sits on the couch beside me, touching my thigh. Feeling the rise and fall of his breath as well. Thoughts of aging, how quickly time goes. I startle as phone rings, let it ring. Thoughts of old friends. Thoughts of what I'm going to do today, preparations for the day. Sounds of train, distant freeway traffic, dog barking, noting how they form a kind of sound landscape, feeling how sound passes through my body, a momentary feeling of transparency.

Evening, 9/8/07

Swami Sivananda's birthday. I spent most of the day sleeping, catching up with myself after a busy, stressful week. Sitting in meditation, feeling comfortable, calm. Cycles of just sitting alternate with falling into a sleepy state in which dreaming prevails. When I notice I am more asleep than awake, I straighten my posture and wake up. Most of my practice this week has been off the cushion. Just as when sitting, I cycle between being awake, comfortable, and calm and asleep and dreamy; my waking life cycles between times of mindfulness and purposeful action and times in which I sink into habits and patterns of non-productive thought. My mindful thinking has led to some productive observation and problem solving. In my habit-prone sleep mind, I have descended into past patterns of thought: feelings of powerlessness, anger, frustration, and stress. It seems that for now, the more positive mindful thought processes have won the day. Just as when I am sitting and cycling through mindful and mindless periods, all can be considered practice; in daily life both the mindful purposeful action and the descent into past patterns is practice. For me, it seems all a part of the complete picture. Always, in whatever frame of mind I am in, is the possibility of noticing where I am and waking up.

Evening, 9/4/07

Difficult working day, carrying thoughts of the day home with me. For the most part, I was able to remain calm, to pace myself with the work, and to decide what I could do to channel feelings into a positive action. I decided to document the activities at work so I could objectively assess what was going on and try to offer some solutions. This gave me more of a feeling that I can have some control of the situation, or at least how I react to it. Documentation may provide data to support a thoughtful decision-making process. The documentation was simple and took no more than five minutes. Getting the work done involved working two hours of overtime. If today is going to be a typical scenario, that projects into a 50-hour work week for me. After work, I sat down and wrote about my feelings for a while to help resolve them and relieve stress.

Meditation tonight is involved in thoughts, hearing my heart beat, struggling with staying in the moment, trying not to project into the future or play scenes from the past. My intention is to keep an open mind and to remain mindful of the possibilities of working with this situation.

Evening 8/31/07

A day off from work which I spent resting, relaxing. Went to Barnes and Noble and had my favorite soy chai latte and a slice of warm spinach/artichoke strata. Went to the library and checked out some books: Born on a Blue Day, and The Book of Dave. Also, some audio books: something about angels falling from the sky by the guy who wrote Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, and Temple Grandin's book about animal communication and consciousness. I have been enjoying listening to books as I drive to work, very easy to finish a book in a short time. In the last week I've "read" Plan B by Anne Lamott and The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion in this way. No formal meditation practice today. But something I might call mindfulness of sleeping. I stretched out on the couch and put 5 CD's on to play: one by Solas, Altan, Krishna Das, mood music, Celtic ragas. I felt the music interweave itself among my thoughts as I was sleeping. The cat especially seems to enjoy music.

Evening 8/30/07

Thoughts of all the things stored in boxes in the basement that I have dragged around with me for years from place to place, town to town. For years it seemed I had lived too fast to have time to go through stuff and throw out the irrelevant. But, now that I've been settled in the same place for the better part of twenty years and still haven't gone through and thrown out, I have to wonder why I hang onto those useless ephemera of times past. Is it that as long as I have the stuff, I think there is the possibility of going back in time, rearranging things so that the events of the past can be replayed, changed, other choices made? Have I been indulging myself in magical thinking for so many years of my life? Time to wake up. After this reverie, I notice that I feel more calm, less agitated, more accepting of things I cannot control.